An Aside: My Brother's Wedding

My brother John and his lovely wife LaKisha

After much consideration, I decided I was going to be a guest at my brother's wedding rather than a photographer. But man....it was a very hard decision to live with! Not only was I being plagued with "big sister protectiveness," but "backseat driving photographer" syndrome to boot!

I definitely need to work on learning how to let go already and stop trying to control things. I must have "lead photographer disease."

Even though I had decided long before the 14 hour drive to Texas that I wouldn't be shooting the wedding, I STILL couldn't make the trip without taking my Canon 5D with me along inside my extremely heavy camera bag overflowing with all of my lenses and other photo equipment. It was like a security blanket; I didn't quite feel the same without having it with me. I literally had to drag my eyes away from watching (more like critiquing) every move the photographer at my brother's wedding made so I could concentrate on the ACTUAL wedding. Even Patience, my last wedding bride, commented that I'm going to make things hellish for my OWN wedding photographer (should I ever be blessed with marriage) if I don't learn how to let go and let God, or in essence -- let the professional do their thang!



Once I succeeded at that, I really enjoyed the experience! I cried and laughed along with everyone else. My brother was crying before his bride even walked down the aisle. He was shaking so bad that we were afraid he would fall off the altar...or maybe he just appeared to be shaking because I was crying so hard I could barely see through my own tears. I just know our mother, God rest her soul, was sitting right next to me in my pew seat crying along with me and my little sister. Our little brother, my mother's son, is MARRIED!

By the time we made it to the reception, I barely felt the need to whip out my Canon G9, my trusty backup camera which fits in my purse). The battery ran out during the wedding anyway, and sure, I tried taking a couple of shots with my cell phone to no avail. But EVENTUALLY, I was able to fully relax and just have fun, dancing the Electric Slide and the Cupid Shuffle, eating way too much, and wondering who I should kill in order to make sure I caught the bouquet during the traditional toss. :)

Congratulations, John and Kisha. I love you!

An Aside: Photographer or guest at my brother's wedding?

Something occurred to me while I was photographing Jessaca and Nathan's wedding earlier this month: is my own life passing me by while I photograph pivotal moments in others lives? It was just a passing thought, and I spoke briefly to my friend and second shooter Sean Donnelly about this feeling I had where I wondered if I would forever be documenting the joys and happy times that happened in my clients lives without truly experiencing them for myself.

I don't usually have a problem with stray thoughts like this because I generally DO feel as if I'm experiencing at least a portion of what my clients are feeling when I photograph them. Whether they are cuddling with their loved ones during engagement sessions, romping with their kids in family portraits or sharing that first dance during the wedding reception, I'm the kind of person who can empathize with their emotions so it makes it easier for me to capture true life experiences in my photography.

But my brother's upcoming wedding on Feb. 14 in my hometown in Texas has been troubling me.

Should I shoot the wedding as my gift to him and his bride or should I be a guest and just revel in the fact that my little brother has grown up and is getting married to the love of his life! I'm torn. I would never forgive myself if my brother hired a photographer who didn't do less than an excellent job on their photographs. I almost feel obligated and honored bound to do it myself for that reason alone!

But then, I think to myself, I want to experience some life too. I will be taking my camera along with me of course, shooting that wonderful time when my brother meets his nephew for the first time, and when all three siblings reunite. The three of us, my brother, baby sis and I, haven't all been together in several years since our mother passed away. We all needed to find new lives in the wake of our Mom's death. My sis is now a new mother herself. My brother is in college and due to be wed. And I am pursuing a dual career as a print and photojournalist. We are slowly finding our way, and when we see each other again, now with our hearts nearly almost healed of grief, it will be a moment that I can't yet express in words. I definitely want to take some shots of my brother with his fiancee, whom I've yet to meet. And I can't forget that this is supposed to be my vacation too...shooting a wedding is hardly taking time off!




My sister, her boyfriend and my nephew

What should I do?